Zombieland: Woody Harrelson Must Have Been Stoned

By cobwebsandstrange on 7/29/10 3:11pm
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There’s a decent sized group of horror movie buffs who attribute great cultural insight to any number of films. There’s apparently social commentary in just about every inch of George Romero’s work and Dracula as well as Frankenstein’s monster are men out of time. Who knew.

When a movie comes along, still adhering to a great many of the genre’s finest points, that chooses to eschew any sort of artistic pretense, it should be noted. And yeah, that might be a bit difficult today, I’m sure Saw is somehow relevant to the world’s hunger problems or something, but Zombieland is so void of any proper intent that even such a meaningless film should be thought of as stellar entertainment. Well, if you’re loaded at least.

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A De Ossorio Horror: Night of the Seagulls (1975)

By cobwebsandstrange on 7/11/10 10:48am
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First off, I’d like to note that it took me almost a year to wade through Amando de Ossorio’s Blind Dead movies. Why? Well, they’re kinda boring.

What’s interesting about the series, though, is the fact that the disparate films don’t have any connection to one another apart from the appearance of the slow moving Templars. Yeah, there’s ritual killing and all its trappings in each of these efforts, but no recurring characters, no references to earlier plots. Nothing. Of course, seeing as the films were all released within five years might have meant the filmmakers didn’t have too much time to belabor a proper narrative development.

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Dark Floors

By akgoemans on 3/10/10 3:24am
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He always pops up from the floorHe always pops up from the floor
The horror flicks that I have been watching recently have been so bad I can't even joke about them. Well, maybe not Against the Dark. Oh no, that was comedy gold! Well, when I finally got hold of Dark Floors, I figured that would change. This would be a fantastic flick worth writing about, I told myself. After all, it's got all the members of Lordi (read: metal band who wear funky monster masks) in it. As the monsters! What a fabulous idea. Right?

Turns out, it was not the big movie bonanza I was hoping for. It had a number of flaws that made it somewhat painful to watch. The acting, the story, the weird likeness to Silent Hill ….

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Dean Cain Goes B-List

By cobwebsandstrange on 3/9/10 10:47pm
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Netflix is good for wasting hours at a time. Most anyone can attest to that. But the online, streaming website also offers ridiculous movie suggestions to viewers. It was that feature that enabled me to watch Dead and Deader just the other day.

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Paranormal Activity: The Basics of Fear

By msarko on 3/9/10 3:36am
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When the ultra-shoestring horror film Paranormal Activity was in theaters I didn't get a chance to see it on the big screen. In retrospect, I'm glad my first experience with the movie was at home. It isn't the most frightening, or in any way the most impressive horror flick I've ever seen, but it did do a lot of things right and it pushed certain fear buttons that few movies ever have. The no-frills approach to this single-set, cast-of-four picture is what makes it so chilling. And that's no small feat for a film about demonic possession.



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The Hills Have Eyes (1977)

By akgoemans on 3/4/10 7:32am
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Dude, that mustache and shorts combo is a bad ideaDude, that mustache and shorts combo is a bad idea
I had heard so much about The Hills Have Eyes (1977) that I figured it was time I got around to watching it. After all, I had seen a fair amount of really bad horror (i.e the Seagal zombie flick). Maybe it was time I checked out some of the cult classics that were out there. Which is why I ended up watching 1.5 hours of mindless screaming and yelling that was THHE. At the end of the flick, I found myself feeling positive about Seagal's Against the Dark. Yes, it was that bad. 

The story itself is alright. It is what horror flicks thrive on. You have a family of five (parents, grownup kids plus a grandchild) making their way through the California desert. It's the middle of nowhere and yet they are not worried.

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One Missed Call (Contains Spoilers)

By akgoemans on 2/25/10 8:33am
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What the hell is that?!What the hell is that?!
This movie seemed so over-the-top I didn't expect to be scary. But what do you know, it scared me when I least expected it. Creepy horror flicks, mutter, mutter. The move in question is One Missed Call, the Japanese horror from 2004. And yea, they did remake a Hollywood version of this one although I am not sure how it fared. Since I am not big on remakes I will ignore that one.

Alright, once you hear the story, you'll know what I mean. The overall plot is a rehashing of the story from Ring. However, instead of a cursed video tape, this one contains a dangerous phone message. Which is preceded by a cutesy ring tone. Come on, that's too funny to be scary! And just like in Ring, folks who receive this call die in horrible ways.

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A (Canadian) Black Christmas

By cobwebsandstrange on 2/17/10 8:10pm
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It seems that a great deal of credit has been bestowed upon Black Christmas, a 1974 Canadian horror film which was subsequently been remade in 2006. Just by dint of the fact that the feature was recast anew 30 some odd years after its filming points to the influence that Black Christmas exudes. Kinda.

Coming so early in the ‘70s the film, directed by Bob Clark, was able to establish some tropes that would be played out again and again in the horror genre. It might seem as if some folks grant the film a bit too much deference, though, seeing as a few of these supposed innovations come off as a bit hackneyed – even during the first half of the ‘70s.

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A De Ossorio Horror: The Ghost Galleon (1974)

By cobwebsandstrange on 2/17/10 3:39pm
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Amando de Ossorio was busy guy during the first half of the ‘70s. He was involved in a franchise of horror flicks that made use of the Templar legend. And if you’re not too familiar with said legend, it goes something like this:

Greedy knights, at one time tied to the Catholic Church become so powerful that the cohort threatens the power structure in Rome. As a result of this, the Templars – who resided in various locales over the expanse of Europe – are exterminated in a single, premeditated swoop. The only problem, as it turns out, is the fact that the since the knights were in cahoots with the devil, they didn’t die properly. Over the ensuing centuries, in inexplicably disparate places, the Templars return to murder some buxom women.

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Against the Dark

By akgoemans on 2/17/10 9:11am
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The Matrix Fan ClubThe Matrix Fan Club
What can you expect from a zombie/vampire movie with the tagline: “He lives by the sword. They will die by it”? Not much apparently. Not even if Steven Seagal was the guy bashing up the bad guys. Especially not then. This 2009 direct-to-DVD movie falls into the 'not even good for a laugh' category.

It's so bad that I can sum up the movie in just one sentence – Vampire hunters Steven Seagal and co. rescues survivors and clears an about-to-be-bombed building in a time of zombie apocalypse. There! It's the usual zombie/vampire takes over world story except this time the good guys (no wait, two guys) use swords to kill them.

The story is bizarre to say the least. So you have the army blasting away buildings that the creatures hide out in, right? This is how they wipe out the bloodsucking flesh-eaters.

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