When it comes to horror films I simply can’t say no. I will genuinely watch anything with the horror tag. Since the genre is drowning in low budget awfulness the likes of which you can barely imagine I end up watching some of the worst movies known to man. Sadly the majority of horror releases are bad. Most are generic clichéd efforts, some are just cheap or badly acted, and frighteningly large portions are offensively terrible. To give you an idea of what I’m talking about here’s a few examples of beyond the pale horror efforts I’ve subjected my long suffering wife to over the last couple of weeks.

Blood Gnome (2004)
I was reeled in by a title which would probably put the more sensible among you off. How can you not watch a movie called Blood Gnome? Well I strongly suggest you don’t because it is seriously dire. A crime scene photographer just out of the psych hospital after his wife was murdered gets mixed up in the S&M scene because a bunch of invisible blood gnomes are eating kinky people. A strange mistress character keeps them in a box and for some reason they are invisible except on his camera. Instead of showing people the footage of the blood gnomes, he ensures they will all think he is crazy by just talking about them. A bunch of people get killed in silly ways with liberal doses of nudity thrown in. The blood gnomes look like toothy wee rubber monsters and disappointingly aren’t my idea of a gnome at all.

The Manitou (1978)
The hilarious plot of this horror film surrounds a psychic and his ex-girlfriend, who has a strange growth on her back. The psychic is played by an awful looking Tony Curtis who is a dodgy swindler. The growth on the back of his ex turns out to be….wait for it…..drum roll please…..the reincarnation of a vengeful Native American spirit who wants revenge on the white man. When he gets big enough the evil spirit pops out in murderous midget form and Tony has to get help from a medicine man for the grand laser filled showdown. This was car wreck movie making at its best and it did at least provoke some laughs, though it didn’t mean to.

Behind the Wall (2008)
This was supposed to be a thrilling horror about a mysterious series of deaths at a remote lighthouse. Turns out some kind of malicious evil spirit was locked up in the basement and now he wants revenge on a bunch of people who had nothing to do with what happened to him. The story was daft in the extreme and provided an excuse for some of the worst directed death scenes I’ve ever encountered. At one point a woman is climbing the stairs and her ankle is grabbed causing her to look round at head height and then fall on her face in slow motion. You also have to wonder why the original murderer didn’t turf his victim over the cliffs into the sea instead of locking him in the basement. I wouldn’t have worried about him returning as an evil spirit so much as the police finding his rotting corpse but hey maybe that’s just me. This film is slow torture.

Have you seen any really bad horrors lately? If so post and tell us about them.