Bloody Pit of Horror

Think of it as a mud bath

After the raven-filled horror from last week, it's back to old school horror. However, this movie is not in the league as the somewhat charming old horrors; oh no, this one's in a league of its own. Dating back to 1960s, this dubbed-from-Italian flick goes by many names – Orgy of Sadism, Crimson Executioner and Virgins for the Hangman. For the purposes of this review, let's go by one of the milder names i.e. The Bloody Pit of Horror. You have some idea what to expect now; blood, gore, torture, women in skimpy outfits prancing around in a dungeon squealing. Take my warning to heart, don't eat any snacks while watching this movie. Yea, you might laugh so hard that you choke on your popcorn.

You can get the gist of the story from its numerous titles. Yes, there is castle and yes, it used to be home to a torturer who loved to dress up like a luchadores, you know, those Mexican wrestling men. What about those virgin women in the title, you ask? Oh yes, the movie involves a group Damn, I think she saw meof models who end up trapped in the castle, serving as unwilling guinea pigs for Mr I-Like-Pink-Fancy-Pants Torturer. Look, they might be chaste young ladies but it's hard to agree with that statement given that their original assignment in the castle resembled a lingerie shoot. And because their manager kept wandering into their dressing room, asking to be called Daddy. Right.

Alright, so the story is that these nubile young women were all set for a promising photo shoot in the castle. Unfortunately, the frumpy old castle-dweller doesn't want folks wandering around in his castle. Then he catches a glimpse of the young ladies leaving the castle through one of the many peep-holes located within the castle ('Well, hello, ladies!' … if he was subject to mug-shots of his sailor-man minions for years on end, you can see why he jumped at this idea). He was wary though, he was not sure if this was such a good idea. 'They are going to ruin my pretty little dungeon', he seemed to think. He even asked them to stay away from the dungeon … you know, the basement area accessible via that conspicuous doorless opening in the front hall? And like naughty little kids, the photo shoot crew decides to use the dungeon for their shooting. Or so it seemed. Why else would they drape themselves onto one of the machines? Oh and before I forget, one of the nosy crew folk unleashes the ghost of the Crimson Executioner, an evil torture guy buried in the castle. Funnily enough, the ghost decides to inhabit the body of castle owner, Travis Anderson. Why not the sleazy manager? Or even the idiot who broke the seal on your coffin?

Travis, that's my gown!What follows is a series of deaths, with everyone dying in some of the most mind-numbingly stupid manners. They are meant to be frightening but every incident serves as its own wtf moment. There was the swinging torture machine, the iron maiden, the arrow in the neck while driving a car routine, the bed-roof-with-spikes maneuver and the hot-tar-on-your-back finishing touch. Would you believe the film director spent minutes capturing the most of these moments? Either he took a long cigarette break during each shot or he collapsed laughing as he caught sight of each act. Watch out for the arrow in neck moment; the one guy who runs off to get the police is hit in the neck with an arrow. Apparently this happened when he was driving the car resulting in a slumped dead body hugging the car wheel as the vehicle handled some nifty 360 degree turns. The mechanical spider with the poisonous sting was another gem. Why set up multiple crossbows when the spider does your job for you? Well, keep watching and find out how the group brings down … The Crimson Poncy, I mean Torturer.

First of all, I have to say that the dubbing is awful. Not only is the audio off but I am pretty sure the translators made up half the dialog. Remember Whose Line is it Anyway? The segments where folks create a fictional dubbing over a selected clip? This entire movie looked like something out of Whose Line....! Someone somewhere is going to prove me wrong and say that this was an accurate translation of the Italian movie, aren't you?Him? We're just friends!

Secondly, there is the bit about the main actor, Mickey Hargitay. I looked him up after watching this movie and found out some interesting bits of information. For instance, did you know the bloke was chosen as Mr. Universe in 1950s? And that he really loved body-building? This may seem irrelevant now but wait until you get to that narcissist point in the movie, the point where Travis (Hargitay) dresses as the Torturer, rubs oil on himself and goes on and on about his beautiful body. Suddenly, the torturer's obsession with looking like Peter Andre made sense … sort of. Oh and here is another bit of unrelated but fascinating information. Guess where you have heard his surname? One of his children became a famous actor, one you should be familiar with if you are into crime-solving series.