I had heard so much about The Hills Have Eyes (1977) that I figured it was time I got around to watching it. After all, I had seen a fair amount of really bad horror (i.e the Seagal zombie flick). Maybe it was time I checked out some of the cult classics that were out there. Which is why I ended up watching 1.5 hours of mindless screaming and yelling that was THHE. At the end of the flick, I found myself feeling positive about Seagal's Against the Dark. Yes, it was that bad. 

The story itself is alright. It is what horror flicks thrive on. You have a family of five (parents, grownup kids plus a grandchild) making their way through the California desert. It's the middle of nowhere and yet they are not worried. Apparently these guys are looking for a silver mine or something before heading off to the more urban areas.

Of course as luck would have it, there is a group of cannibalistic freaks roaming the hills of that desert. These guys are dangerous and the entire movie revolves around the way they torture and kill the happy-clappy family. Sure, these freaks will never make it into the Mensa society but they know how to set up booby-traps. And ambush people. And blow up vehicles. You'd think this type of attacks required a bit more planning and strategizing. Well, they don't kill everyone. Three family members survive the creepy attacks and they have their revenge (by using their dead mother as bait I might add).

Oh boy, there was so much wrong with this movie! Or at least a lot that I hated. First there was Brenda, the ditzy blonde of the victim's family who just wouldn't stop screaming. Alright, so she is useful in two instances (one of which is really vital to the plot) but other than that she spends a lot of the movie whining, screaming or yelling. This is the point where I hoped that the scary freaks would target her and scratch her off the survivor list. Where's a smoke monster when you need it, hey?

Another aspect that annoyed me was the editing. The movie didn't flow smoothly; parts of it ended abruptly and other parts were joined together in a hasty manner. To be fair, this made sense later on when I read the IMDB page for the movie. Apparently the director and co. might have had to re-edit and cut out bits in order to get a better rating. Seems like it was a bit too shocking for its time.

Funnily enough that is one of my other complaints. I didn't find any of the bits shocking, scary or disturbing. Fine, you can blame this on the fact that the movie is dated (it was released more than thirty years ago). Or I suppose you could blame the special effects and make up of the time and say that it will not scare the modern generation. Fair enough. But I don't think that's it. You know how some scary movies use in-your-face shock tactics which made you uneasy simply by pushing your comfort level? Yea, I'm guessing this is what the movie was going for and failed to deliver. The victim's reactions were way over the top and the torture scenes were a bit too voyeuristic (think reality TV). It ended up as a 'let's show disgusting stuff because we know that counts as horror' sort of move. At least complete it properly by throwing in a bit of acting and artistic direction!

And finally, my most unfair criticism of the movie – Doug and his mustache. Doug is one of the characters that make it through the nasty attacks. In fact, he employs a bit of guerrilla warfare on the cannibals to exact his sweet revenge. All good and well but his brilliant moves are spoilt, in part, by his silly choice of a mustache. What is with that? It was like the Inspector Clouseau mustache had a baby with a porno star mustache. I've nothing against that mustache; it just doesn't suit a man going for Rambo tactics.

By the way, while we are on the topic, why did Doug constantly refer to his child as 'The Baby'? Surely he means 'My baby'? Or better yet, refer to the kid by name? I always expect the aunts and uncles to say 'The Baby' phrase but never the parents.

A few things are worth noting though. Firstly, the bad guys in the movie actually did a good job being … creepy, deprived desert freaks. They had the charm and skill as befits any cannibalistic desert wanderer and I commend them for this feat. Secondly, I must admit that the overall idea is interesting. You know, the stranded in the desert and then eaten by freaks concept. It could have worked if it had been handled differently. One movie that did justice to this concept was Wrong Turn, the 2003 flick starring Eliza Dushku.