I'll pause for a moment as you think about the title. That's right, that is the name of the movie. Yes, Kaw is a horror movie. And no, it's not one of those old school 'it's so bad, it's cool to watch them now' sort of bonanza either. Oh no, this horribly bland movie was cooked up in 2007. And not only was it bland, it was incredibly sad; it was the pathetic sort of sad where you would laugh if not for the fact that everyone in the movie was trying really hard.

Alright, so let's talk about the story. As you might have guessed from the title, the movie is about flesh-eating ravens. It can't be so bad or ridiculous, some of you might say. Didn't Hitchcock pull off that same idea? And create a cult classic? Well, it looks like someone was watching Birds, the Hitchcock version, and decided to add elements that really mattered to modern audiences. Like using a cellphone-less small town as the backdrop. And adding in accent-mixing Mennonite folk as the possible bad guys. Not to mention an alcoholic bat-wielding bus driver and Mad Cow Disease. In other words, all the worst stereotypes of rural areas mixed in with general ignorance about science and diseases. I'm not saying this is what modern audiences want; just saying that this is what some bigwig thought the movie needed.

So, here's how the story goes. Folks are dying in weird ways all over a small town. Basically, they are found with pecks marks all over their bodies as well as occasional instances of gouged out eyes. The sheriff, a tired and haggard-looking Sean Patrick Flanery, is trying to figure out these creepy deaths. He realizes the culprits are ravens when his assistant is chewed up by birds after the 'rescue boy surrounded by ravens' situation. Sure, folks might have suspected it before but seeing the rifle-toting deputy being pecked and poked by ravens outside the Doc's office confirmed everyone's fears. I say everyone because a whole bunch of people showed up to view his dead body right after the ravens moved on. He could have used a helping hand, you know.

In the meantime you also have the bus driver who loves to drink. He has witnessed the carnage created by ravens earlier on the day. However, given his status as town boozer no one believed him. After all, he was probably still hung-over from last night. In fact he was probably chugging away at brandy the moment he got up, they seemed to think. Yet, everyone was quite alright with him driving the school bus to far off locations. Well, it's a good thing he armed himself with a baseball bat when he drove the kids to school that day. As it happened, the bus was stranded in the middle of nowhere due to some engine malfunction.

 And then a group of enterprising ravens decide to strike. Everyone hides inside/under the bus and it looks like the plan was foiled. Except for the teacher who had her brains pecked out by the 'not hungry to eat a whole person' ravens. You'd think they were safe in there. After all they had to whip out their cell phones and call for help. And wait for someone to arrive. Oh right, no one has a cellphone. Even though this was 2007! Apparently the ravens were more advanced than these sad folk. The next scene shows them grabbing stones from the road and heaving them at the bus windows. You heard me, they really did that. There would have been more dignity if they had scooped it up in their wings and flung it, javelin-style. Oh no, they picked up stone in their claws and somehow managed to aim accurately at the windows. Before the viewer could pass out from laughing too hard, the sheriff shows up and whisks everyone away to the local diner.

 This is where they meet up with the Mennonite who's waiting for his kid, who incidentally was on the bus. A whole bunch of other people are also there, mostly to serve as raven-food and hence supposedly add to the suspense. This is where the Doc and Mennonite confront each other and we learn that the whole Mad Cow Disease caused this raven infestation. You sincerely wish that someone in the movie would laugh and say 'That's ridiculous'. Ye, everyone swallowed that explanation really quickly. There's actually a bit earlier on where the director tries the old ' the secluded folk in town did it' trick. It's done so badly that the viewer is in no doubt that these folks are clearly innocent. In fact some of you might pause towards the end and say ' Hang on, who thought they did it? Really? When?' Continue watching for the sad, really sad finale. Raven vs. Man, how do they wrap this up?