…which isn’t necessarily a bad thing, if you like absurd comedies that could not possibly happen.

I say that Zombieland could never happen not because I don’t think we could turn into zombies; the end of the world and zombies are one of my greatest fears, whether they are unfounded or not. I have trouble with post-Apocalyptic content because it gets me thinking about what I will have to do not for my own survival, but my daughter’s. Unspeakable things come to mind when I think of how I will have to protect her, and it makes me so sick—and gives me nightmares for weeks—to the point to where I pretty much have stopped watching end of the world stuff.

Last weekend, however, on a very rare date day, my husband convinced me to watch Zombieland with him. I did sort of want to watch it, since I heard it was very funny (it was) and that Woody Harrelson was fantastic in it (he was); plus, he agreed to watch Winter’s Bone with me if I watched it with him. So I watched it. Have I had my usual nightmares and distressing daydreams about what I’m going to have to do once the world ends and humanity becomes something cruel and monstrous (I mean, even more than usual, anyway), whether through radiation or cannibalism or some weird drug or simple human nature?

You bet I have. And none of it is pretty, as usual. (Spoilers ahead.)

But I say that Zombieland could never happen because of the outrageous killing that the quartet in the film manage to pull off. “Come on,” I kept whining to my husband, who just kept snickering, “If these four misfits can manage to stay alive, so could plenty of other people with enough ammo. Seriously, at least one of these characters should die to make it more realistic.”

He agreed, but maintained that the movie was better this way, and didn’t it make me feel better, knowing how unrealistic it was?

No, not really. In fact, if I watch a scary movie or an action flick, I want it to be realistic; I want to feel what’s going on and worry that it could happen to me. I know that’s unhealthy, but hey, it’s how I want to be entertained. In fact, the only time I like absurdity is when it’s in comedy, though sometimes it’s good in drama, too (especially fiction, like The Heart is a Lonely Hunter).

My husband accepted this explanation, but then argued that this movie was, in fact, a comedy, so didn’t it qualify? I stubbornly argued that no, it did not, since it was a gore-fest, and gory comedy doesn’t count. He said that didn’t make sense and I said these are my rules so they don’t have to.

At any rate, it was an enjoyable film, and despite how much that guy from the Facebook movie gets on my nerves, the cast was great, the humor was strong (and absurd), and the horror was there, but not so much as the blood. Really, the usual elements of a horror movie were largely absent, save for a few dramatic instances. There were more “Gotcha!” scenes than anything else, and it was fun to watch. And while it may not have been entirely as absurd as Shoot ‘Em Up, there were definitely some insane, “That would never happen!” moments.

Now if only I could stop planning out my panic room in my head when I try to go to sleep…